Dear relatives who I haven’t seen in a while,

This may come as a surprise to you, but I figured this would make all our lives easier this coming reunion. I hope you’re all reading this and I hope you’re all ready. I hope you’re sitting down too, if you can tie yourself to the chair, please do. Because despite our lack of communication, I actually care about you.

If you’re ready, then please continue reading. If you’re still not on your seat, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

1. No, I’m not a lesbian, but I have nothing against those who are.
2. Yes, I am still single. Please don’t rub it in my face the next time you see me.
3. No, I am not dating too. Please don’t set me up with the son of the guy who dated your best friend’s cousin’s office mate.
4. That said, no, I’m not getting married soon. And no, I’m not jealous of my married cousins. I’m just 23.
5. Yes, I’m still writing for a living. That, and I’m doing freelance work too. No, your son’s salary is still bigger than mine. No, I don’t want to apply at their company. Thankyouverymuch.
6. Yes, I gained a couple of pounds. Yes, I still like to eat. No, I haven’t thought about losing weight. Not yet, at least.
7. And finally, yes. It was nice talking to you too.

Love,

Mia